Oh, May...

Sometimes I dream about a parallel universe where the month of May doesn't make me want to curl up in a ball and cry in a corner.
A world where it's full of picnics with sun tea and sandwiches.
A world of warm spring days spent gardening or taking long walks.
A world that where May is just another month in the year and the schedule doesn't change that much.

Unfortunately, that isn't the case in my life.
May is met with great trepidation.
It means extreme stress and too many things to complete.
I've already had freak-outs and mental breakdowns (hello, last Friday).

I have so much to learn about letting Jesus be my peace.
When He is my center,
my crazy life can do whatever it wants and I feel unshaken.

That's what I'm working on right now.
A constant struggle of self vs. Jesus.
More often than not, self wins and I have to again ask for forgiveness and start all over.
Thankfully, I'm loved by God who chooses,
no...delights,
in forgiving me and reaching out yet again when I fail.
And as soon as I acknowledge that selfishness,
oh how the peace flows.

I'm loved beyond measure.
I'm forgiven.
I'm treasured.
Yes, life is out of control,
but God is not!