30 days: Day 28 - Seeking Him

A few days ago, I wrote about the study of Joshua I had been doing this spring with the camp girls.  Remember how I said it was perfectly timed by the Lord for my heart at this exact season of my life?  Well, at the same time I was doing this study with the ladies at my church.  And I ,once again, was blown away with how God met me and used this study at exactly the perfect time of life.

I've done a lot of Bible studies.  Some in small groups.  Some just alone on my own.  This one ranks up there as one of my very, very favorite.  It is no nonsense, tell it like it is, make me deal with my stuff right here and now.  That's the way I like a study to work.  Don't dance around the Bible.  Don't try and sugar coat things.  Tell me what the Word says and ask me if I'm doing that.

This study had one of those session each week that had a list of things you should be/have/behave/think/do and things that you shouldn't.  Very revealing of my heart and where I really was in my relationship with Christ.  It asked questions like "Do I see my sin as God sees it, or do I tend to think in terms of "weakness," "problems," slip-ups," or "personality quirks"?  Yikes.  There was a whole week focusing on pride.  Oh, dear.  Let's just say I asked for lots of forgiveness that week.  LOTS.

I was also incredibly blessed to be put in a small group with some dear ladies who longed to know Jesus better and weren't afraid to admit they didn't have it all together.  We could be honest with each other in our struggles and our victories.  I loved that.  I loved that we started as strangers and God knit our hearts together in our struggles and our honesty.  That's the way it should work, don't you think?

So, if you are in need of hitting the refresh button on your walk with Jesus, this is a good place to start, as long as you are willing to put in the work and be honest with the condition of your heart.  I recommend finding a group of women who want to know Jesus better and do the study together.  Accountability is key.  I pray that it brings revival to your heart like it has to mine.

This study along with a few dozen other things have been a big part of a wave of grace and revival sweeping through my church.  When people decide to get real with Jesus, He shows up.  My goodness, does He show up!

30 Days: Day 20 - Behold the Empty Tomb

Now my debt is paid
It is paid in full
By the precious blood
That my Jesus spilled

Now the curse of sin
Has no hold on me
Whom the Son sets free
Oh is free indeed

See the stone is rolled away
Behold the empty tomb
Hallelujah God be praised
He's risen from the grave

It's Easter.  God is here with us celebrating and leaning over the gates of heaven to enjoy this moment with us.  Glorious, miraculous victory over death.  

Happy Resurrection Day!

30 Days: Day 18 - BIGGER

This winter/spring we camp girls have been studying the book of Joshua.  When choosing what book to study back in November, I had no idea how absolutely perfect the timing would be for studying this book.  But God knew.

Joshua is about God making good on His promises.  This past week, we talked about the comfort the words in the verse are:

"Not one word of all the good promises that the Lord had made to the house of Israel had failed; all came to pass." Joshua 21:45

That same God way back in the days of impossible battles and gifts of new land is the same God here with me today.  I love that.  I love when the Old Testament reminds me of how big and true God is today.

Joshua is also all about how BIG God is.  And truly, that is the one thing about Him I am clinging to right now (and this whole season).  My God is bigger than the seemingly insurmountable problems I face.  He is bigger than the mountains that seem to stand before me.  He is bigger than the humaness that can destroy my confidence.  I serve a BIG God.

Good Friday is a good day to remember that, don't you think?  I'm sure Jesus' disciples were forgetting that on this day.  I'm sure they were feeling despair and fear.  But God was merely getting ready to show off in the biggest way He ever had.  I loved how Bob Goff said it on his Twitter feed today:

"Darkness fell, His friends scattered, hope seemed lost - But heaven just started counting to three."

This makes me giddy.  This is light to my darkness.  This is joy to my sorrow.  This is my BIG God.

A little encouragement to you today.  God is bigger than that thing that you just can't see any way around.  He is bigger than that nagging sin you just can't seem to defeat.  He is bigger than the lies that are whispered in your ear from the one who wants nothing more than to make you doubt Him.  He is bigger than deadlines and sorrows and sickness and loneliness and heavy hearts.  God is bigger.  Just reach out that hand and put it in His and trust that He is!

Messy

The past month and a half has been overwhelmingly challenging for me.  It has been one bad thing after another.  I hinted it at it a bit in a previous post.  (February has not been any better, unfortunately) And while I won't go into details here (some things just need to stay private), I've realized once again that it is the hard times, the extremely stressful and overwhelming times that I see Christ most clearly and feel His almost tangible presence.

I feel so blessed to have had a truly intimate time with the Lord over these last few weeks.  It's something that I had been praying about all of last year.  Last year was spiritually quiet for me overall.  Have you ever had times like that?  You are doing everything that you should be like reading the Word and going to church and attending Bible studies and praying and all those lists of things that are "the things" to do.  But God still seems far and there is this wall that seemingly in between the two of you.  It's frustrating.  You begin to doubt God and ask questions.  There is no big life altering "thing", just a constant feeling of disconnect.

I've gone through periods of life like this before.  It can be so disheartening.  Most of the time I can look back and see that God was trying to get my attention.  He was pointing out some sin that I had not acknowledged.  I am always thankful that He is so patient and merciful towards me.

I have been doing a Bible study with the ladies at my church that I just know the Lord planned at exactly the right time.  There are multiple checklists of things to evaluate yourself and see where you are in your relationship with Christ.  So many things that reveal my prideful heart and sinful nature.  So many things that I must confess and ask forgiveness for.  It's continual and feels so very exactly what I need at this time.

Aren't you thankful for a God who loves you enough not to leave you where you are, but constantly whispers to your heart that He has more for you, if you will only take His hand and follow?  He reminds me to be courageous and fear not over and over (also doing a study in Joshua with my camp girls).  How amazing to be loved like that?!


I am constantly reminded that just because I work in ministry full time, in no way (NO WAY) means that I have all the answers, nor do I have a perfect relationship with God.  I struggle.  I fall flat on my face.  And I get back up and again and again and reach out to take His out-stretched hand once again, squeezing it tight and looking up into His face with tear filled eyes.  This walk with Christ is messy and hard and so exactly where I want to be because He loves His messy kids.  He LOVES them.

And that is worth all the mess and hard times, isn't it?!

January happy moments

(Wind from the Sea by Andrew Wyeth - hanging in the National Gallery of Art)

January is over.

I must say that I am very, very glad to see it go.

Restart that monthly clock, please.

January was full to the brim of moments that were just...well...not good.

Big not-so-good things and little annoyances that added up rather ridiculously.

A friend was saying that he found himself muttering "I could have done without that" way too many times in the last 30 days.

I tend to lean strongly to the pessimist side.
VERY strongly.
It is something I am really trying to work on.
No one wants to be around a Debbie Downer; am I right?!

So in claiming joy and positivity over grumpiness,
here are a few things that are happy from this month...

This video that was posted by someone I follow on Twitter. I think I watched it about 25 times in a row.

I definitely do NOT agree that Harry should have married Hermonie.  I think Ron is good for her.  She needs someone happy and carefree to balance her out.  And I love that Harry and Hermione were just friends.  I think Harry probably changed a lot after the whole Voldemort battle was over.  Ginny was a good match for him.  Kind, easy going, brave and strong.  Plus, they all ended up family and that's much better.  Sorry, J.K.

It was Big Block of Cheese Day on Wednesday.  And I had just watched those West Wing episodes last week.  It was like my TV world was coming to life.  And that was awesome.

Not too sure how I'm feeling about the trailer for The Fault in Our Stars.  I loved the book and am nervous the movie won't have the same somber yet joyful tone.  But I really love Shailene Woodley, so at least there's that.

My whirlwind trip to Sundance.  I suppose I should at least post a tiny bit about that.  It was so very nice to spend a weekend with my brother even if it was rushed and not exactly what I had planned.

I am loving every single minute of journalling every day.  I actually look forward to it.  It doesn't feel like a chore.

New episodes of Downton Abbey AND Sherlock.  Yes.

I'm in the middle of two Bible studies right and loving having lots of "Bible homework".  God is really using it to wake me up and refresh my soul after a long dry time.  So very thankful that He is patient with me.


Oh, and I posted more about my CA road trip.  You can read about it here.

Lessons

Every camp summer tends to focus on a theme for me.  Not necessarily the one that I expect it to be when the summer begins.  By the end, I can see how God has been weaving a thread through my life.  

For instance, I have had incredibly hard, heart wrenching summers that have taught me lessons like forgiveness.  Those are always hard summers to live through, but beautiful ones as well because I learn so much and and see God break me and destroy me only to gently put me back together again.  Those summers are life changing.  Those summers send me life lessons that I can't forget and wouldn't have learned any other way.  

"Come, let us return to the Lord;

for he has torn us, that he may heal us;

he has struck us down, and he will bind us up."

Hosea 6:1

Then there are joyful, happy, wonderful summers.  The Lord teaches me joy and peace and love.  I look back over those summers and can do nothing but be thankful for the wonder that is the joy of His presence.  There are lots of happy memories of those particular summers.  Usually it involves a few people that have become near and dear to my soul.  I would re-live those summers in a heartbeat.  

"And I will betroth you to me forever.

I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, 

in steadfast love and in mercy.

I will betroth you to me in faithfulness.

And you shall know the Lord."

Hosea 2:19-20

I have summers where I am too focused on myself.  All I can see around me are my needs, my hurts, my problems.  Everyone else is revolving around me.  Everything and everyone fits into a place that either hurts or helps me.  Dangerous summers, those ones.  I end up at the end of the summer not learning anything because all I care about is myself.  It's so easy to do. It's much easier to care about what effects you then to worry about how you are serving others. I almost always find that at the end of summers like these, I am melancholy and discouraged. It's basically a wasted summer. 

I have such an opportunity here to learn and grow. It is completely up to me how I choose to spend my days. No matter the circumstances, my heart needs to be in the right place to hear the Lord and be open to His leading. And this is true of any time/place/experience in life. It just seems a little more intense here at camp. And maybe that's why I love it so much. I fear being complacent and lazy and staying where I am in my relationship with Jesus. Camp is a perfect place to be challenged. 

This summer's lesson is still to be determined. 3 weeks left to go. Lots can happen in 3 weeks...

Oh, May...

Sometimes I dream about a parallel universe where the month of May doesn't make me want to curl up in a ball and cry in a corner.
A world where it's full of picnics with sun tea and sandwiches.
A world of warm spring days spent gardening or taking long walks.
A world that where May is just another month in the year and the schedule doesn't change that much.

Unfortunately, that isn't the case in my life.
May is met with great trepidation.
It means extreme stress and too many things to complete.
I've already had freak-outs and mental breakdowns (hello, last Friday).

I have so much to learn about letting Jesus be my peace.
When He is my center,
my crazy life can do whatever it wants and I feel unshaken.

That's what I'm working on right now.
A constant struggle of self vs. Jesus.
More often than not, self wins and I have to again ask for forgiveness and start all over.
Thankfully, I'm loved by God who chooses,
no...delights,
in forgiving me and reaching out yet again when I fail.
And as soon as I acknowledge that selfishness,
oh how the peace flows.

I'm loved beyond measure.
I'm forgiven.
I'm treasured.
Yes, life is out of control,
but God is not!

the year-long goal

One of my new goals for 2013 is to read the Bible through in a year.  I've done it before, but I think the last time was in college.  Senior year of college.  That's a long time ago now. Ah-hem....

As 2012 was ending, I was praying about my goals for the year.  Then I read this article when it popped up in my Twitter feed.  (ps...Mark Driscoll's feed is so encouraging, challenging and inspiring to me on a daily basis)  Kinda humbling to know that a high schooler has a more in-depth reading plan that I do.  Shameful.

Anyway, I really felt like the Lord was impressing upon me to read the entire Bible again this year.  Usually I just focus on a book at a time and re-read it over and over until the Lord tells me to move on to another one.  I still love this way of being in the Word, but excited for a challenge too.  Last year taught me that having goals, goals that specifically challenge me, are really good for my OCD nature.  This was exactly what I needed.

Instead of using a piece of paper in my Bible that I check off with a pen each day (so antiquated!), I am using the ESV Study Bible Plan on my iPhone. (There is also a PDF version.)  I love, love, love the convenience of having in my hand all day.  My schedule (which is turning in to a wonderful habit now that I'm 35 days into this plan) is to read half in the morning and half in the evening.  Usually, I read the morning half while I'm still in bed.  Just woken up. I love having scripture the first thing I focus on in the morning.  And I've always done my quiet time at night.  Started this in high school and it just stuck.

Now, sometimes, this perfect schedule doesn't work, so I will read during the day when I have a chance.  Bonus of having it on my iPhone.  At the DMV, waiting in line.  On a break from work.  Out at a coffee shop or the library.  The whole point is that I want it be a habit.  I want it to feel "off" when I don't do it every day.  I'm one of those people that does well with self-inflicted goals.  But I need to goal to motivate me.

This isn't the only way I'm reading the Word.  I'm still involved in Bible studies and other areas that have me focusing on specific passages of scripture.  But this is my personal challenge and one that I am loving.  More Bible in my day?  That certainly can't be bad thing!

What is your Bible reading plan?
Are you following one, or discouraged in your quiet time right now?
Let me encourage you that I have been there!
Jump in a find a plan that works for you.
Be in the Word.
It's important.
It should be every day.
And it will be life changing!

Reflect

(Blue Window by Michael Carson)

"You have been uniquely wired and uniquely gifted by God. You've been drawn to certain hobbies, drawn to certain habits, placed in certain neighborhoods, and given certain positions that you might reflect the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ in powerful ways to the world around you so that my hope is you wouldn't be so bored in life but rather would enjoy the life you've been given as you see the eternal weight of it. " -Matt Chandler "Galatians - A Former Life" Feb 12, 2012 


This little section of a message by Matt Chandler (heard via podcast) has been stuck in my head since I heard it on Monday.  (I've started listening to podcasts while running and LOVE it).  Totally inspiring.

raised hands

(my little iphone camera amazes me sometimes)

A few nights ago, my amazing friend Tara and I went to see Hillsong Live in the big city.  It was one of those spur of the moment decisions back in June.  The tickets were pretty cheap, and it's always fun to have something to look forward to at the end of summer.  Plus, Tara isn't living at camp any more, so we made up a fun reason see each other and have a friend date.

The concert was really great.  There is something about seeing 1,000's of people worshiping Jesus together that gives me chills and makes me think of heaven.  We sang pretty much all of my favorite Hillsong songs. The band/singers were really fantastic.  Bonus... Australian accents for 2 hours!   It was very worshiped focused too.  Not about those leading the worship, but about all of us together singing about Jesus.  Loved it.

It was one of those nights that just filled me up and let me focus on Jesus for a while and not the insanity of life.  It was all about who He is and how He loves me/us/all.  Raised hands.  Closed eyes.  Singing as loud as you want to because no one else can pick your voice (no matter how bad it sounds) out of the crowd.  Amen.

God chose

(by Aaron S. Moran)

Been enthralled by Moses' story in Exodus the last few days.
How God chose him.
How He called to him out of a bush on fire?!
How He specifically gave him a mission.
How He gave him the tools he needed to do what seemed humanly impossible.
How Moses gave him excuse after excuse, but He reminded him that He is God.
How God accomplished exactly what He intended.
How Israel was saved by a miraculous Father in heaven who loved them.

This is the God that leads and directs me.
This is the Father who longs to speaks to my heart.
This is the Father who whispers His will.
This same God, who loved Moses and chose him...
He chose me.
He loves me.
He died for me.

I can't seem to wrap my brain around that lately.
It's so much and so simple all rolled together.

Guardians

So, yesterday was kind of a big deal at camp.  I can't really go into why and honestly, it doesn't even matter.  The thing that really struck me was something that I often forget.  It's so easy to get sucked into the every-dayness of life.  It's easy to forget why I'm here.  It's simple to just put my head down and do the job and get things done.

Then things will happen that will remind me of the importance of what we do here.  We aren't just a place for kids to have fun.  I mean, we are that, but we aren't only that.  If this was just a place for kids to ride the giant swing, then you can count me out.  If this place was only focused on the activities, the cool things we have, the best equipment, you can bet your buck that I would be slowly leaving out the back door.

That's not why I'm here.  Granted, all those things are fantastic and kids really love them, but they aren't the reason.  It's Jesus.  We are here to tell them about Jesus.  And every single thing we do, whether it's swimming or tubing or standing in line for the zip line, it's about Jesus.  Every moment is a chance to show these precious children His love.

I was reminded yesterday that we, the full time staff, are the guardians of that.  It is our responsibility to hold that as the upmost priority.  And to do that, we must be guardians in our own lives.

I must be in the Word.  I must be bathing this place and the people here in prayer.  I must be holding Jesus as my highest priority and protecting that with all my might because I know the evil one is trying his darndest to destroy it.

Accountability is a wonderful thing.  I'm blessed to be held to a higher standard.  I don't do my best all the time. I mess up constantly and fall flat on my face.  And I'm so thankful to be loved my God who forgives and brushes me off and sends me back on my way.  And I'm blessed to be surrounded by these friends/co-workers of mine that do the same.

We are guardians.
I must remember this.
I must be accountable.
I must take it very seriously.

Be my shepherd

"Oh, save your people and bless your heritage!  

Be their shepherd and carry them forever."

-Psalm 28:9.  

I love the thought of being carried forever by my all-powerful Father.

Anyone else?!

Aim to reach

(source)

Happy New Year to each and every one of you!

A brand new year.  With no mistakes in it.  No disappointments or heartaches.  Yes, they may come but so may the glee-filled, gasp giving ones too.  

As I was thinking today of what I want from this year, what goals I had, what things I wanted to accomplish.  The Lord kept quietly whispering to me things that are pretty much summed up in this verse,

"Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;

Be gracious to me and answer me!

You have said, 'Seek my face.'

My heart says to you,

'Your face, Lord, do I seek.'

-Psalm 27:7-8

He has basically been saying that goals are good to have, sure.  But what He really truly wants for me is to seek HIM, not the things I want Him to accomplish this year.  Not a list of options for Him to give me.  (Lord, I'd really like to write a book this year. I'd really like to travel to a new place this year.  I'd really like to fall in love this year.  Those types of things.)  He wants me to just seek Him.  Seek His face.  Delight myself in HIM.  And this is His promise:

"Delight yourself in the Lord, 

And He will give you the desires of your heart." 

-Psalm 37:4

Those desires will be what He wants me to have because I am seeking HIM.  I'm running after HIM.  I'm laying aside the "wants" and "needs" for a God who loves me and longs to GIVE me those wants and needs.  

So that's my goal for this year.  Seek Him.  Know Him.  Become a woman who longs to be more like Him.  It's a lofty, high goal, but one that I aim for with my greatest effort.  

Here's to a brand new year, friends!

xoxo,

Cottage Girl

quoted

Read this quote tonight and just had to share.

Don't know about you, but I need that constant reminder to live with a kingdom mindset. I constantly have to stop and remind myself to hold my life with open hands. Everything is a gift from my Abba Father.

Shared

I'm gonna tell you a little story. One that I haven't shared here yet, but those of you that live life side by side with me, well, you'll already know it. I feel like something must be said here though because it may change things on this ol' blog here for a while.

A little over a year ago, I started feeling overwhelmed with life. Just doing normal day to day things here at camp was hard. And not just hard like "it's a tough day and I can't wait until it's tomorrow" hard, but "how in the world am I going to make it through another day." I had never been this frustrated with my camp life like I was then. I dreaded everything. Everything felt overwhelming and hard. The littlest things seemed to set me off. And I wasn't liking the person I was. I didn't want to be around myself.

In October of last year, the Lord dropped the most amazing blessing in my life. One that had a totally different outcome than what I was expecting. My two bestest college pals and I had a girls weekend. It was glorious. I was away from camp. I was living my own life. I was having a personal life, something I had begun to wonder if it even existed.

One of the last nights I was there, my girls sat me down and had a good long talk with me. I love them so much not only because they make me laugh and we have so much fun together, but because they are never afraid to ask me the really hard questions. They are blunt. They love me and want the best for me and I trust them because of that. I feel safe with them and can open my heart even when it's hard and I end up crying, which I did. I explained to them all the things I had been feeling. I began to realize how trapped I had been feeling. How exhausted. How burnt out. How done I was.

Their advice was so wise. Something I see now, more than I did a year ago. Take a break, they said. Get away. Don't let this steal your joy. Don't let it ruin you. Get away and find out if this is really where God still wants you. We know it will be hard. We know you will do your best to talk yourself out of it. We know that you will think you are letting other people down. But you have to. You just have to. We are looking at this from the outside and seeing things you don't.

I promised them I would pray about it. And I did. I also talked to several other near and dear people and asked for their wise council. I asked them to look from their point of view and tell me what they saw. (Sometimes it's hard to judge reality when you are so wrapped up in yourself, isn't it?) It was quite a time of soul searching and prayer. God was gracious and patient with me. And He guided me lovingly.

At the end of this month, I will be stepping away from camp for 3 months. It's not a bad thing. I'm not losing my job here, nor do I want to. I'm not walking away forever. I'm not burning bridges and running. It's a 3 month sabbatical. And I'm blessed to the heavens that after almost 11 years of being here full time, I can do this. I'm super excited to see what the Lord has for me.

What will I be doing? Well, there are so many things. Traveling to see friends. Going to see family. Having fun. Reading. Sleeping. Writing. Doing. Being. Most importantly, I will be spending lots of time in the Word, talking to the Lord, seeking Him. Three whole months. I don't even really know what that means. I do know that I don't want to waste it. I want to come back refreshed and renewed. And I want to stop being so "me" focused and absorbed.

As for my little bloggy-blog, well, I don't own a laptop. That presents a quite a predicament in the area of posting. (I won't be living in The Cottage for those 3 months) In a way, I think the lack of computer time will be good for me. In fact, I know it will. On the other, I will miss writing so desperately. And all my photos? Oh, that just makes me sad. Photography is one thing that I'd love to spend more time doing and learning. But at this time, it looks like things will be hit or miss here for November, December and January. Don't get me wrong. I will jump on when I find a computer to borrow. I will. But now you'll know why I'm in and out.

So, there's my little story. One of woe and heartache and joy and adventure all rolled into one. I'm excited for what's coming. I hope you'll come along and join me because the best adventures are those that are shared.


xoxo,

Cottage Girl

"for His name's sake"

(source)

God has been pounding on me lately. This message by Matt Chandler....it was...um...it's hard to think of proper words to describe the way the Lord spoke to me. You know those kinds of messages or books or moments when you just feel Him tapping on your shoulder. You. Directly. Not the person next to you, but you. Exactly where you are. With the exact thing that you need to hear. The one thing that feels like salvation to your very soul. And usually, for me at least, the one thing that is so very humbling that you can do nothing but ask for forgiveness.

This was a moment like that for me. It's one of those lessons that I am still rolling around in my head and getting a grasp on. One of the simplest lessons in the Bible, but one that I obviously have not learned yet. So very simple, yet one that I most often forget. It brought to light, for me, the reason for my struggles lately. Pride. Selfishness. Too much me, and not enough Him.

Here's a taste:

"I’m going to take you to one of the most famous verses in the Bible to show you this. If
you are from Texas, you have been given this passage on a bookmark, a coffee cup or
something. You will know this text even if you have no church background. So let’s
look at it. Psalm 23, starting in verse 1, “The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He
makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my
soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness. . .” Now if we just stopped there, you can
argue quite a bit. He is shepherding us, He is loving us, He is restoring us, He is
providing for us and He is laying us by streams of still water. You can see God’s activity
toward us. It looks like we are the point. You can do this with a hundred other texts,
except the root of His motivation, leading, laying in green pastures, leading to still
waters, restoring of the soul, is clear in the text. Let’s look at verse 3 again. “He restores
my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.” So why does God
love you? Why does God pursue you? Why does God shepherd you? Why does God
care for you? It’s not because of you. It’s for the sake of His name. It’s for the praise of
His glorious grace."

filled to be emptied again

(source)

I woke up singing this song this morning. A Brooke Fraser/ Hillsong United favorite.
Anyone else totally love Brooke?!

This part has had me thinking all day...

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow
So many times, I just want the comfortable and easy. I want that season of harvest, of good, of abundance to last...always. I want to fill up and never have to let it go.

But that isn't the way it works, is it? God blesses us. He does. He gives. He provides. He gives out of the love that He IS. And then He asks us to give it back. Not to hoard it for ourselves. Not to keep it close to our hearts like some precious treasure to be hidden or buried away (like the parable of the talents).

I love how this song puts that concept. It's like it finally clicked for me when I sang those words. I'm filled to be emptied again. This precious seed will go into the ground, and I will work to see that it grows into what God intends it to be.

It seems easier to give and serve when I see how He has already given to me. It easier to be emptied because I know that I will be filled up again when I need to be. I will be grateful when I am in the harvest season and enjoy every moment that He chooses to fill me up again.

Not only that, but I will seek to be filled for the purpose of giving it away again. I will look for moments to give away things/verses/wisdom/love that He has graciously bestowed upon me. I'm slowly learned that in that giving away, that letting go, there is where I will find true joy. In those moments of selflessness, I am able to be used by Him in the greatest way. When I'm most empty of me, the more full I am of Him.

I may have written this more for myself tonight than for any one else. But it just had to come out. The words needed to be written down (or typed out, if you will). Journaling and writing is my link to sanity.

Happy 4th

I kinda forget that it's a holiday.

We still have children to entertain, which means our day doesn't change much.

I am headed to the front wall to watch the fireworks that seem to go off all over the place tonight. I can hear them outside my window as I type this. And it will probably continue until around midnight. Color explosions all over the place. Kinda cool.

In other news...you should listen to this sermon series. It's rocking my world lately. I started at the end and jumped back to the beginning. Genesis is jam packed of humbling lessons.

That is all.

Farewell, fellow Americans.

He = joy

(from my trip to Scotland in 2005. just found my old CD of photos)

I decided it's time to go back through all my old photos from my trip to England/Scotland/Paris in 2005. That trip was a big reason I started this blog way back then. Almost 6 years ago. Quite a lot of rambling.

On a completely different topic, church was incredible yesterday. It's always those times when I don't want to go or am completely exhausted from a long weekend at camp that I get the most out of it. It's like God is showing Himself when I remain faithful in the small things.

Yesterday it was the reminder that He is where I need to find my joy. My contentment. My peace. In Him alone and nothing else. Not even in the answers to prayer He may give or the blessing He may bestow. But only in Him. (Luke 10:20)

It's a great reminder as I head into camp (next week!) and pour myself out in ministry 24/7. I need to be filled by Him and Him alone to survive. He must be the most important thing for any of this to work. And I must be completely out of the way so He can shine through brightly.

And with that, goodnight to you all!