washed up grass

Sometimes there are parts of you that just refuse to be quiet.
They are so deeply a piece of what makes you who you are.

Not just the way you look.
Your hair color.
Your height.
The curve of your nose and your lips.
Those are a part of you too, of course.

But traits of what build your personality.
What makes you laugh.
The thoughts you share only with your friends.
How you share your heart with those you love.
The words you write with.
The way you see the world through a viewfinder.
Those types of things.

Yesterday and today, I realized that a part of me had been missing.
Missing because I haven't really had time for it.
I tried to fit it in when I could,
but time is so precious right now
that this part was shoved quietly to the back of the line.

But thankfully, it wormed it's way to the front.
I sat on the beach yesterday,
watching over the kids,
making sure they weren't drowning
or fighting
or swearing at each other
or throwing rocks at the boats.
I looked down,
and there, washed up on the shore
were a few pieces of sea grass that had died.
I reached down and ran my fingers over them.
After playing with them for a few minutes,
not even thinking about it,
I braided them and turned them into a bracelet.
I wore it all day.
And then made another one today.

And I have to admit that
yesterday I felt a little better about life.
It felt a little more like...
life.
A life that I live and am a part of.

Ministry is very outward focused.
It MUST be.
It MUST be consumed with others for it to survive,
and for you to survive in it.
God can't use you if you are inward focused.
I'm 100% for that.

But I don't think that we are supposed to lose who we are.
I don't think that God wants us to become robots.
He created each of us uniquely.
He, himself, is a CREATOR.
He is the most creative being in the entire universe.
He MADE the universe.

So, I'm going to make sure that I take moments to be me.
I'm going to keep making headbands for the girls I love
because that's the way I can show them I do.
I'm going to make bracelets out of sea grass.
I'm going to write notes with markers
and fun paper and old books.
I'm going to do this thing that God has placed before me.
And not only do it,
but do it in a way that only I can.
Because Jesus loves ME.
The person I am.
The one He forgave and died for.
Yup, that one.
The one that makes bracelets out of washed up grass.