refined

(source)

I haven't really been able to muster up the gumption to post lately. I'm sure you've noticed. My posts have pretty short and fluffy most of the time. It's been a struggle just to get something...anything written each day, if I even do a post.

I've struggled with the question of letting it go. Saying goodbye for a time and just leaving it be until I want to come back. But the truth is, if I went on how I feel at this moment, I wouldn't really come back for a long time. So, I plug along, knowing that even as I look back and read these last few weeks/months, I will be able to read between the lines with what has really been going on in my head.

Truthfully, I don't know what it is. I don't know why God has been continually pounding on me. I do know that these last few months have been some of the most trying, mentally speaking, that I've had, ever. I know that God has a purpose for all of this because I can see His hand working throughout everything. I know that there is a reason, even if I can't see it or understand it now, and may never.

The more I grow in my faith, the more I realize that I know nothing. The more I am forced to just be quiet and talk to Him. The more I just have to process what He is trying to show me. The more I have to let go and just follow.

So when I look back over the last few months, I can see the empty spaces in my thoughts. I can see the complete randomness of my crazy brain. I can see that there is something deep down that is being refined and purified.