October 06, 2011


I'm gonna tell you a little story. One that I haven't shared here yet, but those of you that live life side by side with me, well, you'll already know it. I feel like something must be said here though because it may change things on this ol' blog here for a while.

A little over a year ago, I started feeling overwhelmed with life. Just doing normal day to day things here at camp was hard. And not just hard like "it's a tough day and I can't wait until it's tomorrow" hard, but "how in the world am I going to make it through another day." I had never been this frustrated with my camp life like I was then. I dreaded everything. Everything felt overwhelming and hard. The littlest things seemed to set me off. And I wasn't liking the person I was. I didn't want to be around myself.

In October of last year, the Lord dropped the most amazing blessing in my life. One that had a totally different outcome than what I was expecting. My two bestest college pals and I had a girls weekend. It was glorious. I was away from camp. I was living my own life. I was having a personal life, something I had begun to wonder if it even existed.

One of the last nights I was there, my girls sat me down and had a good long talk with me. I love them so much not only because they make me laugh and we have so much fun together, but because they are never afraid to ask me the really hard questions. They are blunt. They love me and want the best for me and I trust them because of that. I feel safe with them and can open my heart even when it's hard and I end up crying, which I did. I explained to them all the things I had been feeling. I began to realize how trapped I had been feeling. How exhausted. How burnt out. How done I was.

Their advice was so wise. Something I see now, more than I did a year ago. Take a break, they said. Get away. Don't let this steal your joy. Don't let it ruin you. Get away and find out if this is really where God still wants you. We know it will be hard. We know you will do your best to talk yourself out of it. We know that you will think you are letting other people down. But you have to. You just have to. We are looking at this from the outside and seeing things you don't.

I promised them I would pray about it. And I did. I also talked to several other near and dear people and asked for their wise council. I asked them to look from their point of view and tell me what they saw. (Sometimes it's hard to judge reality when you are so wrapped up in yourself, isn't it?) It was quite a time of soul searching and prayer. God was gracious and patient with me. And He guided me lovingly.

At the end of this month, I will be stepping away from camp for 3 months. It's not a bad thing. I'm not losing my job here, nor do I want to. I'm not walking away forever. I'm not burning bridges and running. It's a 3 month sabbatical. And I'm blessed to the heavens that after almost 11 years of being here full time, I can do this. I'm super excited to see what the Lord has for me.

What will I be doing? Well, there are so many things. Traveling to see friends. Going to see family. Having fun. Reading. Sleeping. Writing. Doing. Being. Most importantly, I will be spending lots of time in the Word, talking to the Lord, seeking Him. Three whole months. I don't even really know what that means. I do know that I don't want to waste it. I want to come back refreshed and renewed. And I want to stop being so "me" focused and absorbed.

As for my little bloggy-blog, well, I don't own a laptop. That presents a quite a predicament in the area of posting. (I won't be living in The Cottage for those 3 months) In a way, I think the lack of computer time will be good for me. In fact, I know it will. On the other, I will miss writing so desperately. And all my photos? Oh, that just makes me sad. Photography is one thing that I'd love to spend more time doing and learning. But at this time, it looks like things will be hit or miss here for November, December and January. Don't get me wrong. I will jump on when I find a computer to borrow. I will. But now you'll know why I'm in and out.

So, there's my little story. One of woe and heartache and joy and adventure all rolled into one. I'm excited for what's coming. I hope you'll come along and join me because the best adventures are those that are shared.


Cottage Girl


Allison Drew said...

As much as I will miss the posts and online-friend communication, I think this is REALLY great. I'm really excited about what God will reveal to you during the next few months.

Also, I'm going to need for you to email me before you come to the Flo. =)

cottage girl said...

Finding online friends like you is one thing I LOVE about blogging. Thanks so very much for the encouragement.
And I will be emailing you promptly. Yes, I will.