January 04, 2009

journal entry

This article from The Times is amazing. Really made me think. I found it on this blog, which I also have been unable to get out of my head. I have pictured little Ugandan kiddos in my head pretty much constantly since I read the story of Amazima. By the way...have you ever seen Invisible Children? Good gracious, I sobbed like a baby for a good 10 minutes straight after seeing that documentary. The whole situation in Uganda is just heartbreaking.

Do you ever wonder what God is doing with your life? Do you wonder if you are doing all you can to change the world? Do you ever beg Him to make your life count for something eternal, to help you to ignore your own human "wants" ? Do you ever second guess the place where you are at the moment, when you see something that seems so much more important?

I've been asking those questions quite a lot lately. Sometimes I wonder if camp is a silly ministry to be involved with when there are children that are dying without moms and dads and simple things like food and clean water. Sometimes I want to pack everything up and move to another country to pick up those kids and just hug them. But then again, I think there is something important about what we are doing here.

I know that kids in suburban America need Jesus too. I know their little hearts are just as important as an orphan in China. I know that they can change their world. I know that I have seen this place change lives. And not just kids, but the staff that works here. I know without a doubt that God is at work here. I know that He begs us to let go of all the silly human ideas we have for this place and just let Him have free reign to do things beyond what we can imagine.

It's so easy to be complacent. It's so easy to sit back and just do the same old thing over and over because I know it's "the right thing to do." It's easy to let another summer go by and just do the job. That's the easy part.

The tough part is stepping outside that comfort of doing the simple thing and letting God really, truly have His way in my life. And I don't necessarily mean that I will leave the ministry I am in now. I mean being open, no matter where I am, to what it is He is trying to tell me. I mean stepping out in faith to ask Him to bring on the challenges and to really show up in my life. I mean that I will take those steps of faith to really see Him at work here. It means dreaming beyond my own ideas and seeing what He could (and wants) to do here.

I want to live a life that He will be proud of when He chooses to bring me to heaven for good. Eternal purpose. That's what I want. Him to shine so brightly that I am invisible. To see me, you have to look through Him. That is the person I want to be in 2009.

What about you?


tp said...

beautifully put. i want to be this person in 2009- to shine brightly like you talk about.
i also think these pictures are so wonderful.

jessica said...

Hey you :)

I can't get that blog out of my head either! I followed your link to it and stayed up half the night reading it. Do you know where I can find out the history and how she came to be living in Africa?

On a seperate note, my resolution is to keep a positive outlook through trials and to be awake and not waste the next few months here in Raleigh.

I hop you are doing well, friend. It seems like you are :)


cottage girl said...

Jess, it's so good to hear from you! Been praying for you!

I don't know anything more about Katie's story than what is on that blog. I read back as far as it went, but that's all the info I've found. I heard that she is working on a website for her ministry that will hopefully be finished soon.

Can't wait to hear where God leads you after Raleigh. Camp is hiring right now for this summer (if you are finished by then). Come and play here!!