January 11, 2011

me sized

Sometimes I think I dream too small.

What I mean by that is this:
I think I put God in my Cottage Girl sized box. I think that sometimes I ask Him to bless my plans instead of coming to Him completely open with nothing at all to offer. I wonder how many times His amazing, way-out-of-my-simple-frame-of-mind ideas have floated right past me because I'm so focused on something else more me-size oriented.

How many times have I missed out on something that would change my world? I know it's happened. I know that I'm often fearful. I know that I will push ideas aside because they seem "too crazy" or "too scary" and "surely God doesn't want me to be that reckless."

I was faced with this ugly trait that I have today as I was listening to a sermon podcast. It wasn't about this topic, but something completely different. It got me thinking in a way that I haven't in a long, long time. The Holy Spirit convicted me and had me asking for forgiveness for my lack of faith.

Because...that's what it is. I can candy-coat it and call it "safe" or "responsible" or "wise," but what it really is, is faithless. I don't trust the Lord to really be God. I trust Him to be my Cottage Girl sized "god" and that will be just fine.

But what if I start asking Him to blow me away. To do the unthinkable. To do GOD-sized things in my life.

The only thing holding me back is me.

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."
- Ephesians 3:20-21