May 26, 2008

still praying

I"ll be honest. I've spend much of the last 4 days in prayer for the Chapman's. Crying. Earnestly seeking God on their behalf. Their pain has consumed my thoughts. Even holding Luke this weekend and laughing with him choked me up cause I could only think of that dear family who won't be able to do the same with their little one again. During the hours of the visitation and memorial service, I couldn't think of anything else.

I also wondered what it was that made me feel so attached to a family that I have never met? Why would I feel this loss so profoundly? How could I cry so easily for a little girl I had never met? I asked God these questions knowing that there were 1,000's of other people around the world that were praying and mourning in the same way I was.

The only answer I could come up with was that God knows this family needs these prayers.

He knows, better than I, how greatly this whole family HAS indeed affected my life. How their passion for God and their willingness to do whatever He asks of them has been a constant encouragement to me. They have given me a way to help orphans in China through Shaohannah's Hope. They have shared their laughter and struggles through their blogs. And Steven's songs have continually made me get on my face before God and seek Him. Their ministry is so evident of the God they serve. Steven's passion for knowing God is evident in the concerts he gives.

I feel so connected because they point me to Jesus. I can't think of a more appropriate way to put it. I only hope and pray that I can live a life like that. They aren't perfect. They aren't, I know. But I'm so thankful that they choose to run after Him with everything they have and let all of us come along too.

My prayers seems like such a small thing in a tragedy this big. But I also know that God is so much bigger and loving that I can understand. My prayers for them have brought me closer to Him. How amazing that He can draw us to Him even in the midst of such sadness. I am again humbled and in awe of this God who loves me.

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