August 23, 2010

miss it and wonder all at the same time

Been feeling very contemplative lately. God and I have been having long, lengthy discussions. I've been battling myself, the toughest enemy of all.

Invading thoughts, constantly in the back of my mind. Clawing their way through my head as I try fix my attention on anything else. Begging God to remain my focus, be my everything, set my mind on Him.

It's a daily, almost moment by moment, choice to follow Christ. It lays me out flat some days. It makes me groan as I deny myself and my wants to follow His plan. But it is a choice that I delight in, even in the hard times. I delight in knowing that His plan and His ways are higher than mine. I have joy even in the middle of frustration. That's how I know it's Him. That's how I know its not my will, but His.

In other news...

I can not get Choosing to See and The Book Thief out of my head. The Book Thief haunts my thoughts. The Chapman's challenge me through their story of pain. You need to read both. Oh, and I read the last 50 pages of Catching Fire tonight just to be extra ready for Mockingjay tomorrow!! My roommate and I already have our trip to the book store planned.

I am finally sleeping through the night. A huge accomplishment 4 months in the making. I needed a vacation to cure the sleeplessness I guess. Stress and sleep don't go together well. Who would have thought....

Camp feels like it was 10 years ago. Like it was a distant memory of something that may have happened. I miss it and wonder if it actually happened all at the same time.

I feel very full of words lately with no subject to direct them towards.

William Fitzsimmons
is a great soundtrack to end the day.

Night, all,

Cottage Girl


Gina said...

OK, so I clicked on the "choosing to See" link and I got choked up just looking at the cover. Not sure if I would be able to make it through the book. I am going to Women of Faith conference this wekend and they are supposed to be there.....we'll see.

cottage girl said...

G: you have to read it. It was beautiful and so uplifting as well as heart breaking. Yes, you'll cry, but be so filled with hope at the same time. Be sure to tell me everything about their talks at WOF!